waiting

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.    Micah 7:7

I don’t think I have ever been described as ‘patient’.  As a child, the days before Christmas were the longest and slowest of the year. The wait literally tortured me (and vicariously, my parents as well).  Maybe you are one of those people who savors the opening of Christmas presents.  You carefully peel the scotch tape from the wrapping paper with all the time in the world.  Let me just say, I don’t get you.  We’ve got one life to live, people.  Get on with it.

I have been making an honest attempt to cultivate patience for as long as I can remember.  And flat out winning, I might add.  I remember as a child I would begin proudly announcing that I was “10, going on 11” mere days after my tenth birthday. Now, I find I am no longer in the same big hurry to grow older.  Clear victory. 

Some of you may really work at finding the courage to keep moving ahead, to stay focused and fueled, joyful and energetic - maybe that is where things get real for you.  You find the resting easy and the running hard.  Me?  My struggle is always in the waiting.  I like to make goals and work toward them, make lists and cross things off.  I have a prayer journal with check marks that remind me of huge answered prayers and the littlest, sweetest ones that mean something to no other heart but mine.

But, I also have a prayer that I have been praying for a long time.  It is a big, brave prayer, a good ask with good motives and it would bring glory to God.   For the life of me, I do not understand why the wait is so long.  I want more than anything to be a faith-filled woman, full of deep, steady trust.  But, there are days, ones like today, when I feel so anxious to see God move and bring change that I come to Jesus more the impatient, pleading child than a God-confident woman.  That is where my heart is this morning in the quiet of my kitchen before dawn, armed with a strong cup of coffee and the story of Habakkuk.

I find courage here. The prophet cries out these painfully honest words to God:  “How long, Lord, must I call for help and you do not listen…” (Hab. 1:2). Habakkuk’s prayer is desperate, raw, authentic.  He pleads for the people of Judah and the injustices they have suffered.  Then this statement:

“I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me…”  (Hab 2:1)

Habakkuk is trusting and expectant.  He knows that God is sovereign and in complete control.  He understands that God will deliver his people in His way and according to His timing.  Habakkuk’s life response, is to live by faith.  Now I don’t imagine he arrived there in an instant and nor will we.  Perhaps that is why the waiting can be so purposeful.  Habakkuk takes time to remember God’s faithfulness in the past.  He knows God will be faithful in the future. The gratitude strengthens his faith and it will grow ours as well.  In the waiting, we learn to remember.   

In the waiting, we learn to surrender.  Every time we release our concerns to God, knowing that He is good, and for us, and working in ways we cannot see, we find freedom and peace.  We develop deeper trust.  Habakkuk’s wholehearted surrender to God is reflected in one of the most beautiful expressions of faith in all Scripture.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.                                                                                

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.  (Hab. 3:17-19)

Maybe, like me, you find yourself in a waiting season.  I believe we are in the exact place we need to be, learning to receive the gifts of winter rather than just living for spring.  I don't know how God will answer our prayers but I am learning to pray, like Habakkuk, "yet I will".  Even if things don't work out the way I hope, yet I will be joyful, yet I will trust.  I do know, that God longs to develop in us all a strong testimony, a courageous faith,
and a surrendered heart that is faithful in the waiting.