learning

“Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.”  Ephesians 3:20

We were in the car together, the firstborn and I, and I think I was getting straightened out about something, although I can’t remember what exactly now.  When you raise leaders with strong views and clear beliefs, that type of thing is often the norm.  Opinions about how things should be done are quite common and certain to include some instruction for me too.

 

Now if that hasn’t been your experience you may have some opinions about this, and that’s okay.  I would have too, at one time.  But there are others of you.  You have Dobson’s, The Strong-Willed Child  book on your shelf and you have been holding on for dear life since your child was about age two.  You pray more because you must than because you may.  You are smiling, because you know.  Passion and boldness, the rare world-changing kind, makes for a wild ride. 

In the process of getting straightened out, I hear this: “You can learn from me too, you know Mom.”  The words are my undoing.   At the time, the conversation just rolled along, but some words have a way of taking up residence with me, and now several months later I find that I am still turning those ones over and over in my mind.

And I wonder, have I been doing anything else but learning this whole time? 

Those moments ‘just breathing’ in my bedroom closet, when the tears leaked out as I sat on my bathroom floor (the only private place), when I lay wide awake through night pounding on the door of heaven again and again, wasn’t it all just learning?  Learning that God is so much bigger than the concerns that press like a weight on my heart.  Learning that His plans are beyond what I can ask and imagine, and His ways so much higher than my own.  Learning that our God is good, and faithful, and strong.  And, learning in the end, that in all the teaching of our children, we are the ones who are taught.

I can’t remember a time that I did not look forward to being a mother, and the generosity of the gift is not lost on me.  My four just make me happy. But when all is said and done, I believe the journey of parenthood is one more to holiness than happiness.  Learning to surrender control to Jesus, to trust Him ultimately to protect our kids and guide their hearts is far easier to say (or write) than do.

 

My son’s testimony is not mine to tell.  But this story is mine:  God cares for the hearts of mamas.  He hears our prayers.  He is the Redeemer and Restorer of sons and daughters.  He can, and longs to do so much more than we can imagine for our loved ones, more than we hope for and ask of Him on our very best, most faith-filled day.   

I now have a list of names in my prayer journal of people I have never met.  They are some of the ones that my first born has shared his story and faith with and who have come to know Jesus as a result.  I have watched him worship, and preach, and lead youth, and he is only just barely getting started.  Our days are coloured with more grace now.  We laugh.  We have the coolest conversations, ones I never imagined having.  Are there lots of strong opinions still in there?  Absolutely.  I am thankful for it.  God will manage well that passion in him.

I am not the Mom I used to be or will be.  Every day I need time in the Word to seek Jesus, to lean in, to listen. I appreciate the lessons in life more than I used to, the good and easy days, and the hardest ones that have me clinging to Him with everything in me.  Believe me, I still need some straightening out more often than not.  After all, I am still learning.