eyes to see

I have experienced some of the most authentic talks with my children while driving in the car.  There is something about fewer distractions and less eye contact that makes it a safe place to be real.  The confined space doesn’t hurt either.

I often ask questions, sometimes ridiculous ones, that get them laughing or dreaming big.  One day, the conversation with my son centered on being a ‘difference maker’, and those character qualities that can define lives with the most impact.  I asked him to tell me one main thing that might set a person apart from others in his generation, something like a good work ethic might have done in previous years.  After thinking through some ideas out loud, he settled on focus – the ability to be present, attentive, and to wisely understand what a gift you give when you look someone in the eye and have meaningful conversations, to live in a purposeful way despite distractions like social media. 

Just focused attention, he decided, could be a difference maker in his generation. 

He’s not wrong.

Some people call this “mindfulness”.  It is one of the ways Jesus showed his love to those around him and it is crucial for us if we want to do the same.  Until we become prayerfully attentive, however, we will keep looking without really seeing. 

The tricky part, however, is that we can’t really be fully present and mindful, if we are thinking about the next thing on our agenda or all the items still undone on our to-do list.  Rushing through the day will rob us of the blessings that come when we pay attention to the people God has placed right in front of us.

Honestly, this can be hard for me.  I like to get ‘er done and get on to the next thing.  I love seeing things get accomplished.  Yet, increasingly, I desire to do life in the upside down way of Christ.

Here, the last are first.  The gospels level the ground and remove the barriers.  The unclean, the outcasts and the forgotten are healed, cared for, seen. The despised tax collector becomes the honored host of the Son of God.  When others see only the past and its labels, Jesus stops, looks and sees the heart.  And, I am forever grateful that he sees us the same way. 

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me’”   Gen. 16:13a  

In this Genesis passage, Hagar was broken and alone.  Perhaps you have felt the same way.  Those are two things God hates and gave his life to change.   He came to be with us and to repair what is broken. 

In my own times of brokenness and hurt, my celebration and joy, I am undone by the same.  God sees me. 
 

And the longer I live, the simpler things get for me:  I want to be like Jesus.  To do so means to love those he loves, to value what he values, to see what he sees.  It is a radically different way of living that Christ modeled, but not so difficult after all. 

 

It starts with quieting our hearts and having a desire to see. 

  

Ps 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.”  

Dr. Les Parrott writes:

I can almost hear you asking: How in the world can I be still when life is so fast?  It’s a fair question.  God does not expect us to be contemplative monks in order to hear his voice and love like Jesus.  He merely asks that we be attuned to his presence – even in the calamity and chaos of our lives. … It means quieting our minds even in the midst of chaos, by not striving so hard.  It means putting our minds at ease and letting God be God.  It means seeing what others don’t.   (Love Like That - 5 Relationship Secrets from Jesus)

Every day we have a new chance to live with intention and to model the way of Jesus.  Pray for eyes to see and hearts of compassion.  There’s a world full of people, some right in front of us, that need us to love well and to be difference makers.

"God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him." Phil 2:13

on the eve of the wedding

For this child I have prayed (1 Samuel 1:27). 

Tomorrow my firstborn will get married.  

In all the busyness and blessing of this season we are in, my heart has been having a hard time catching up to the calendar.  And so, in the sweet silence of my house right now, I am hoping words of truth will find a way to help my heart with the day that lies ahead.

Now you should know that I am thrilled about this marriage.  I love my son’s choice in a bride and I can see the fingerprints of God all over this occasion.  God is good, faithful and purposeful.  I have watched Him show up in a mighty way in the life of my son. I have already spent a lifetime praying for the spouses of my four children and it is a tangible gift to be able to see the kingdom plans of God come together in their lives.  There is just so much worth celebrating.

But the letting go, this final permanent bit, is not easy either.

Funny how it is, that the most beautiful, life changing moments in our lives can also be the most difficult. (Can I get an “amen” from all the new mamas?)  Every exciting beginning involves something of an ending, too. I feel a little like I did when our moving truck pulled out of the driveway of our first home and I took that long last look at the sweet place where we brought home all of our babies.  It can be good and right, fun and exciting even.  But, still hard. Our hearts are able to feel so many things at one time.  I expect that is why the Lord longs for us to give the whole of our hearts to him.

When my heart is unsettled, I turn to scripture.  God’s word speaks truth that cuts through my unpredictable feelings and keeps me rooted, strong.  It will do the same for you.  Life is a turning of pages, a passing of seasons and whatever situation we find ourselves in, the Bible is full of true stories of real people who experienced all the sorrow, pain, and celebration of life and can encourage our hearts through the same.

After all, God never meant for us to stand still, or to look longingly over our shoulder at the sweetness of the past, but to live with gratitude and purpose in the day we are in, and to keep moving ahead. 

It is a simple recipe for Christ-minded focus and grateful joy.
  

Be thankful for God’s leading in the past.  God’s faithfulness in the past fuels my praying and gives me confidence to live fully surrendered to him. Like you, I have a testimony to share. 

"'Return home and tell how much God has done for you.' So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him." Luke 8:39 (NIV)

“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Eph 5:19-20

 Live each day with an attitude of joy and praise.  We are meant to live life to the full, making the most of every opportunity (Eph 5:16), being present and purposeful, watchful and expectant (Ps. 5:3). 

Look forward to the future.  God Almighty, calls us by name.  He calls us to be people who know the reason for the hope that we have and who look longingly toward the day when we will see Jesus face to face.  That hope should change everything about the way we live each day and the way we face our tomorrows.

"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Phil. 3:14

This future-focused, purposeful living can celebrate the beauty of the present and can joyfully accept change as it comes.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.”  (Heb 12:1-2)

With the wedding day before me, I already know that our joy will be sweeter because my son and his new bride have their eyes firmly fixed on Christ and are committed to run the race well and to run it together.

But now it's time to sleep, and I can do that with a full heart. I am profoundly thankful for the journey so far.  And, I can hardly wait to see what else God has in store. 

  

Tomorrow I will dance with my son and welcome a new daughter.   

Thanks be to God.

life lessons from a golden retriever

We named her Tilley.  With two boys and two girls it seemed like a good compromise between Princess Fluffy, Biter, or Batman, other excellent dog name suggestions. 

 

The kids had always wanted one.  It became the certain request by each of them every birthday, every Christmas and on random days of begging in between.  The youngest was a dog lover right from the start.  He dragged two identical stuffed puppies everywhere, and although they were part of the family and took part in bedtime prayers, even he was beginning to suspect that they weren’t actually alive.

I researched breeders, planned a visit to see puppies for sale, and with a firm “We are NOT getting a dog” from the husband, I was off to select the newest member of the family.

Our golden retriever puppy had a few more weeks of growing before she could come home, so we planned a visit the following week to see all the puppies and let the kids in on the surprise.  I tucked them in the night before with a quiet caution to get a good sleep because the next day would be the BEST EVER family adventure day.  Sleepy eyes popped wide open and they peppered me with questions I refused to answer.  It was beautiful - and a little mean. 

(Friends, when you have a ‘hero’ day as a parent, for heaven’s sake, get maximum mileage out of it.  They are rare, and pressed in between routine days that seem endless but actually fly by, and, if you do it right, lots of days your children will think you are the absolute worst.) 

 

So, Tilley joined our beautiful mess and for the first few months was carried more than she walked, and loved as deeply as the hearts of my four could manage.  Television lost its appeal.  Walks became routine and the backyard a place of wonder, as every falling leaf, stick or fresh snowfall became for her, a thing to be attacked.

 

Looking back on the day we chose her, I realize in hindsight she actually adopted us, taking full ownership of the kids in particular.  Her joy at the sound of the school bus bringing them home every afternoon was a bit much, honestly.  You wanted to be right out of the way as things got knocked over and the celebration began. 

The dog also had an uncanny ability to sense any sadness in my kids, and I have often appreciated the ‘heads up’.  She could tell how the day went at school usually long before I did, sticking close to the one who needed extra attention.  During the teen years, details about their day often took some extra coaxing, so if I walked in the door after work with no dog there to greet me, I knew something was up.  One day I came home to see my daughter working on homework at the dining room table, the dog pressed to her side.  She looked perfectly fine to me, but Tilley knew differently.  So, rather than assume all was well, I chose instead to acknowledge there was likely some hurt there, and to be a little more gentle and kind.  Just one of the lessons we have been learning along the way.

Tilley has been and continues to be a terrible watchdog.  She actually loves it when people come to the door or walk through the yard.  She might actually come through for us in an emergency, but we have concluded based on her attitude to this point that she would be thrilled to find someone looking in the windows or wiggling the locks and simply delighted if they were to try getting in somehow.  She’s a lover of all people with no judgment at all.

Our golden is ten now, a gracious girl who takes her time doing stairs and naps like it is a full-time job.  The celebration time when we get home is a little calmer and the recovery longer.  She’s got some white around her face and the walks around the neighborhood take a shorter route, but she is still loving well and we are still learning things from her.

Here are some of our favorites:

Be kind to people. They have hurts you do not know about.

Life is better lived simply.

Walks are good for you.

When you know who your people are, stick with them.  Be happy when they come home.

Forgive quickly, and completely.

Rest.  There’s nothing wrong with a good nap.

Be loyal.  The testimony of faithfulness is one worth living.

If you come for a visit, plan to be welcomed warmly and to get hair on your socks.  If you don’t plan to visit, find yourself a sweet golden retriever puppy, even if your most important person says not to.  If it works out like it did in my house, that person will like the dog more than you in no time.